Are You There God? It’s Me, Danny.
He never answers me.
I probably use His name more than I use my own, and always endearingly:
“Oh my God”. “Good God”. “Dear God”.
Yet still He stays away from me.
Is it because I have done something in my life that has got up His nose? Then where is the forgiveness? And shouldn’t He at least let me know what it is so that I can apologise for it. Don’t I deserve a second chance?
He expects me to have a blind, unshakable faith in Him without ever having communicated. I couldn’t marry a woman on that basis – we’ve never communicated before but will you marry me? I couldn’t let strangers into my home on that basis – we’ve never communicated but come in and make yourself comfortable. Is that milk with your tea?
Maybe you speak to God regularly. Does He speak back to you? What does He say? And what does His voice sound like? Please describe it, because He won’t speak with me.
And who can answer the trillions of questions I have about life, the universe, about everything, if not Him? Yet He refuses to teach me.
People often speak of finding God. Where do I look? In a book? The bible? It isn’t enough – a book. Isn’t the bible merely an interpretation of God and His will? I want… need to hear from God, not other people on His behalf. It’s not enough my mother telling me that my father, although he doesn’t want to see me, loves me all the same – I need to hear that from my father himself or it won’t mean anything.
God isn’t part of my life because He chooses not to be. The absent father I’ve never met. Never spoken with. Never acknowledged by.
It isn’t my fault this time.
But I will keep my door open, in case He ever changes is mind.