Are You There God? It’s Me, Danny.
No answer!
He never answers me.
I probably use His name more than I use my own, and always endearingly:
“Oh my God”. “Good God”. “Dear God”.
Yet still He stays away from me.
Is it because I have done something in my life that has got up His nose? Then where is the forgiveness? And shouldn’t He at least let me know what it is so that I can apologise for it. Don’t I deserve a second chance?
He expects me to have a blind, unshakable faith in Him without ever having communicated. I couldn’t marry a woman on that basis – we’ve never communicated before but will you marry me? I couldn’t let strangers into my home on that basis – we’ve never communicated but come in and make yourself comfortable. Is that milk with your tea?
Maybe you speak to God regularly. Does He speak back to you? What does He say? And what does His voice sound like? Please describe it, because He won’t speak with me.
And who can answer the trillions of questions I have about life, the universe, about everything, if not Him? Yet He refuses to teach me.
People often speak of finding God. Where do I look? In a book? The bible? It isn’t enough – a book. Isn’t the bible merely an interpretation of God and His will? I want… need to hear from God, not other people on His behalf. It’s not enough my mother telling me that my father, although he doesn’t want to see me, loves me all the same – I need to hear that from my father himself or it won’t mean anything.
God isn’t part of my life because He chooses not to be. The absent father I’ve never met. Never spoken with. Never acknowledged by.
It isn’t my fault this time.
But I will keep my door open, in case He ever changes is mind.
November 8, 2015
Danny, Nancy and Colin – I am touched by your honesty and your open hearts. I am so confused about the meaning of it all and it’s getting worse as time passes. My mum passed away 3 years ago and I still can’t believe it – where has she gone to? She was very religious and I used to humour her. Is she with God? Has she been reunited with the love of her life – her husband of 55 years – my dad? Where the hell does everyone go?
November 2, 2015
Danny, I’ve felt this way so many times in my life. And even with that, when someone is hurting for some reason, I find myself saying “I’ll pray for you.” How ironic is that? All my life I’ve been told I must take his existence on faith, but I’ve begun to think of him like I do the Easter Bunny or Santa Claus, a nice fable but not much truth. Still, even after that, I guess I’d rather be wrong and find he’s there when I die, than to be right that there’s nothing more.
November 8, 2015
“I guess I’d rather be wrong and find he’s there when I die, than to be right that there’s nothing more”
But Nancy, it doesn’t work that way does it? Non believers go straight to hell.
Thank you for reading. (and see you downstairs!)
November 2, 2015
It sounds like you are an agnostic, rather than an atheist, Danny? Not completely disbelieving, but running out of optimism about the idea of a God creator. They say there are no atheists on a shipwreck, so I guess many people feel as you do. For my part, I don’t believe in an external deity, nor in heaven or hell, as a place outside oneself. But I do believe that there is a positive life force in most people – a force for good/God, that can be found even in the most unlikely of places; even in Auswitch. When this force for good (even faintly flickering) is completely abandoned by individuals, (d)evil fills the vacuum
November 8, 2015
I think I started out as agnostic, but with each passing year I think I am becoming an atheist.
Your explanation of your position is interesting, Colin.
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment.